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  • Writer's picturemicaylabrewster

I'm Tired


© 2016 PACIFIC PRESS

I’m tired.

I’m tired of trying to escape to social media only to be bombarded with tweets, Instagram Stories, videos, drawings, Go Fund Me links, and photos about the latest black man who was murdered. Not because I disagree with the Black Lives Matter Movement - actually, quite the opposite.

I’m tired because in my short 24 years of life, I’ve seen this cycle through my timeline too many times. I’ve seen members and allies of the black and brown community post graphics in support of the movement only to have the conversation fade away within a few days. I only have to wait a few weeks or months to see another headline flash across the TV. A headline that will spark the same passionate response on my Twitter feed but deafening silence on the road to progress.

Nothing seems to change.

I’m tired of seeing screenshots of donations to related organizations but never seeing the promised land we’re walking towards. I know it helps someone, somewhere so I keep donating, but I can’t help but feel discouraged as I fear that in another month we’ll just do this all over again.

Nothing seems to change.

I’m tired of processing through worst-case scenarios that I never wanted to think through. I don’t like that I just watched my little sister go live on Instagram at a protest and heard gunshots. I don’t like how afraid for her life I became.

Nothing seems to change.

I’m tired of the push and pull between my emotions - one side standing in solidarity with the protesters, the other side just naively wishing we didn’t have to protest at all.

Nothing seems to change.

I don’t have a solution to offer right now. Maybe one day we’ll have a better one. So for now, keep posting. Keep donating. Keep protesting. Keep fighting. Keep going until we have a better solution.

I just wanted to let you know that I’m tired.

I’m so, so tired.

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